The Best Is Yet To Come Undone
by WitchGirl
Summary: February 2000. What Carter might write in a journal. You don't know what you have... until it's gone.


The Best Is Yet To Come Undone  
  
Summary: February 2000. What Carter might write in a journal. You don't know what you have... until it's gone  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Carter or the people he speaks about. The title of this fic and the song at the end is a song by Lit.  
  
2/11/00  
  
She can really get on my nerves. It's all I can do to keep sane. Does she always have do be so damn perky? I was in a bad mood today. When I came in, I saw her smiling face, ready for another day. It made me angry to see anyone could be in a good mood when I'm not. So I yelled at her. Even now, twelve hours later, I can't remember why. Do I regret yelling at her? Maybe a little. Sure, she is a good student, eager to learn. Sweet, kind, happy, pretty... Almost perfect. Almost.  
But that's not all that happened today. We have a new medical student, I forgot to tell you. Abby Lockhart was an OB nurse for a while. I think she and Lucy will be good friends.  
Peter Benton and I went down to Doc Magoo's on a break. Later joined by Mark Greene and Elizabeth Corday, we had a very interesting chat. Soon, though, I was called back up to the ER. When I got there, I saw Dave Malucci chuckling as he helped Lucy with a patient who seemed to have caught his arm in an icebox. Apparently, he had brought the icebox with him. Since he was moaning in pain, I asked why Lucy hadn't given him a painkiller. Dave told me that she had not five minutes before but still, he was groaning. I laughed and told Dave to leave, that Lucy and I had it under control.  
  
2/12/00  
  
My entry today will be short, nothing really happened. Valentine's Day is coming as everyone keeps reminding me. As if the decorations in the ER aren't enough. Everyone seems to be relaxing more. Well, with the exception of Kerry Weaver. I don't think that Kerry will ever lighten up. It's an impossibility.  
It was pretty slow today, Lucy didn't come in. The way I usually see her, you may think I'd be relieved. But for some reason, I was... Disappointed, I guess, that I didn't see her. I don't know why. Abby's getting off to a great start. She has a great gift for a doctor. Like Lucy, I think she was born one.  
  
2/13/00  
  
I am reminded every minute that Valentine's is a day away and I am reminded even more that I have no one special to share it with. Everyone seems to have someone. Mark and Elizabeth, Luka and Carol, Peter and Cleo... So I bury myself in my work, hoping it distracts me. That's the wonderful thing about being a doctor. It's so much work, that it can distract you from almost anything.  
I don't know why, but I have an especially bad feeling about this Valentine's Day. I feel as if something important is going to happen. But I shake it off. It's most likely nothing. I mean, what am I, a psychic or something? Nah, everything will be fine.  
Lucy came back in today, said she was out with a bad migraine yesterday. I told her I get migraines everyday and I don't go running home. She seemed a bit embarrassed at my words.  
  
2/14/00  
I'm sorry, I don't have much time to write. It's very busy today. Abby needed help with Mrs. Connelly and Lucy wants my help with a patient of hers, Paul Sobriki. I figured Abby's case is more demanding and went with Abby to see her. I told Abby she needed to speak with Mrs. Connelly concerning her wishes. But Mrs. Connelly's blood pressure crashed and she became unresponsive. I needed to explain to Abby that the patient's wishes must come first and that Mrs. Connelly wanted to die when Abby told me the situation.  
Mark stopped me in the hallway once when I was on my way to see Mrs. Connelly. He asked me if I was following Lucy's patient, which I replied I was. He told me that I should take a closer look at him and so, I reluctantly walked in to check on him. Sobriki had vomited all over! I was shocked that Lucy hadn't notified me sooner. He could have something like Meningitis or Encephalitis and she needed to run a series of tests. I assisted Lucy with the spinal tap. But Mr. Sobriki wakes up just as we started the procedure. I had to hold him down. The results were negative.  
I found Mr. Sobriki in the hall causing some trouble and told Lucy she shouldn't let him wander away from his room. I was on my way to Mrs. Connelly's at the time and Lucy told me she wanted a psych consult. I let her. Paul is still in the ER and I have no idea why. Excuse me, I will write more later, I promise.  
  
2/27/00  
  
I am sorry it took so long for me to write again. I just didn't want to. Because this next sentence finalizes what I have known since Valentine's Day. Lucy is dead. It's written down now. Sobriki was mentally unstable and I don't know why I hadn't seen it earlier. He stabbed Lucy four times in the back. I went looking for her when I realized a patient was still waiting to be seen. I walked into the room and Sobriki stabbed me as well. I survived it, but Lucy didn't. It's funny, because now, when she's gone, is when I realized. I had someone to share Valentine's with all along. But I lost it. I had the best. I lost it. The best has come undone. Isn't that the story of my life? You don't know what you have until it's gone. I always lose what I never realize I already had. I didn't want to admit that I was in love with Lucy because she was a medical student. My medical student. She was my Lucy. And now she's gone. I don't know if I can bear it.  
  
It's behind you and  
It's in your face  
Close your eyes  
Selling years of their  
Smoke and mirrors and  
Open minds  
And they try to find a way  
To make me something that I'm not  
I touched the world  
I felt the sun  
I know the best is yet to come undone  
I looked around  
At everyone  
I know the best is yet to come undone  
The best is yet to come undone  
It's so obvious  
That the promise  
Keeps me here  
Painting pictures where  
All the colors  
Disappear  
And they try to find a way  
To make me something that I'm not  
I touched the world  
I felt the sun  
I know the best is yet to come undone  
I looked around  
At everyone  
I know the best is yet to come undone  
The best is yet to come undone  
And I find my way out  
It's so obvious  
That the promise  
Keeps me here  
Painting pictures where  
All the colors  
Disappear  
And they try to find a way  
To make me something that I'm not  
I touched the world  
I felt the sun  
I know the best is yet to come undone  
I looked around  
At everyone  
I know the best is yet to come undone  
The best is yet to come undone 


End file.
